Grace
I had a grand plan for my first blog post here, and I will be posting it at a later date, but life got in the way as it has so many times before. Some of the circumstances were known, and some were unexpected and devastating. Before I knew I had ADHD, I would have pushed through and gotten it done, no matter the repercussions. I would have pushed myself, guilted myself, internally berated myself until I got it done.
Grace is something I usually reserve for other people, a kind of default to kindness and assumption of positive intent. For so long I was unwilling to grant myself that kindness. I felt the need to hold myself to a higher standard, not wanting to be discovered as the chaotic disaster I knew (or thought) myself to be. I pushed harder, overcommitted, strived to meet goals and expectations, no matter the cost. I burned out, over and over.
Not anymore. More and more I recognize that negative self talk, that desperate push, and I take a step back. I ask myself, what would others think if they heard the things I tell myself? Would I treat a friend like this? What about one of my kids? What if I was talking to a younger version of myself? The answer is always that I would not treat someone else like this. So, I grant myself a little grace.
Grace might look different depending on the person, for me it might mean taking one (or more) things off of my plate, taking time for exercise or rest, scheduling time to talk with a friend, reading, writing in a journal, etc. Below is a list of ways to show yourself grace, but there’s always room for more, so if you have others, please share!
Be Kind to Yourself: It's essential to treat yourself with kindness and compassion, just as you would treat a close friend. Instead of beating yourself up over mistakes or failures, offer yourself words of encouragement and support. Remember that you are doing the best you can with what you have, and that's all anyone can ask of you.
Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing ADHD symptoms and reducing stress. By practicing mindfulness, you can learn to be present in the moment and tune out distractions. You can also cultivate a sense of self-awareness, which can help you recognize and manage negative thoughts and emotions.
Celebrate Small Wins: It's easy to focus on what you haven't accomplished, but it's equally important to celebrate the things you have achieved, no matter how small. Celebrating small wins, or even keeping a journal of achievements can help you build momentum and confidence, which can fuel your motivation to keep going.
Create Realistic Expectations: Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself can lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, set realistic goals and expectations that are achievable and manageable. This will help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed.
Forgive Yourself: Everyone makes mistakes, and it's essential to forgive yourself when you do. Instead of dwelling on your mistakes, learn from them and move forward. Remember that mistakes are opportunities for growth and learning, and they do not define you.
Get Support: Living with ADHD can be challenging, but you don't have to do it alone. Seek out support from friends, family, or a coach who can help you navigate the challenges of ADHD. You may also consider joining a support group or seeking professional help.
This week, I am forgiving myself for not doing everything I wanted to. I am allowing myself to feel my feelings and process through them. I am giving myself the grace that I need to make it through this week. Now it’s your turn. How can you be kinder yourself this week? What grace can you give yourself?